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Why, Google, Why?

This post is somewhat ranty, but I’ll make up for it by providing VISUAL AIDS*!  Basically, lately I’ve been very displeased with my Google search results.  For those of you who have never heard of Google, it is a kind of portal for looking for things on the internet.  Basically, the internet is very, very big and sometimes… actually you know what?  Screw it.

The Story:

Recently, I’ve needed to search for some abnormal search strings related to work and Google has made some creative decisions that have made my life more difficult.  For example, if I’m looking for information on the low voltage detection feature of the Renesas Demo Kit based on the RL78G13 microcontroller and I search for ”rdkrl78g13 lvd”, I do not want Google to assume I meant LCD.  This isn’t a usual ”did you mean” situation where they show you the results you searched for and give you a link to what they think you want.  This isn’t even a ”showing results for…” situation where they show you what they think you want, but give you a link to the results you actually searched for.  This is the fact that Google straight up assumed that they knew what I wanted to search for better than I did and gave me no way to get the results I actually wanted.

Well, that  was a specialized case, right?  How many people search for random product codes and obscure acronyms, anyway?  Well, last night I was just trying to look up my brother’s basketball schedule to see what games I will catch when I’m in town next month and boom:

Now when I search on Google, I'm going to ignore the first six results...

Google!  WHY????  Why do you find results for the word “girls” when I search for the word “boys?”  Did you think it was opposite day?  Did you think that I was using reverse psychology?  Are you going to start giving me information on Bill O’Reilly when I search for Jon Stewart?  Wrong when I search for right?  Right when I search for left?  Left when I search for stayed?  And I love how proud it is at having found the results in .38 seconds.  It’s like telling your dog to fetch the newspaper and he’s proud of how quickly he returned with 32,800 dead birds.

The Conclusion:

In light of this and other, probably more troubling issues, I have decided to lead the charge BACK TO ALTAVISTA!!!

*VISUAL AIDS are what you get when you stab a used needle into your eye.